Wellbeing Strategies to Navigate Peer Conflict and Bullying

Our new Flinders Teaching and Learning Framework and Flinders Wellbeing Framework guide our approach to teaching and learning at the College, and are intrinsically interwoven. Both Frameworks guide our deep commitment to ‘know’ young people and to create the optimal conditions to inspire their wellbeing, learning and growth.

As part of our commitment to students’ wellbeing, it’s important we connect with parents and work together to create respectful school and home environments.

The following article by our Primary School Counsellor, Yvette Rouse, clearly explains the difference between peer conflict and bullying, which can be a tricky area for children to navigate.

This is a part of an ongoing series of articles this year with a focus on exploring aspects of  bullying. Yvette’s article shares some simple strategies that work to support open and honest conversations about the differences between bullying, conflict and unkindness, and offers some advice on how to support your children. 

On campus, our students are continually guided to engage in meaningful discussions and explore activities aimed at promoting empathy, understanding and respect. 

Trudi Edwards | Head of Primary 

Conflict and Bullying: What’s the difference and why does it matter?

Article by Yvette Rouse, College Counsellor, Flinders Primary School

Understanding the distinction between peer conflict and bullying is essential for parents as children share their experiences of school life when they get home.

While conflicts are a natural part of childhood development, bullying involves harmful behaviours that require intervention. However, children sometimes perceive disagreements or unkind behaviour as bullying. By helping your child distinguish the difference between these behaviours you may feel more confident in guiding their responses and implementing strategies to support them. 

So, what’s the difference?

Being Mean or Unkind

From time to time, children can show mean or unkind behaviour. This is intentional behaviour where they may have left someone out on purpose or laughed at someone because of their appearance, for example. The difference between this occasional behaviour and bullying is that bullying involves a person trying to intentionally hurt or harm another person or a group over and over again. 

Peer Conflict

At the heart of it, peer conflict is usually about a disagreement or misunderstanding. This can occur both within games and play or through a disagreement or fight, for example if children are struggling to agree on a movie to watch at home, students are trying to agree on an idea to use in a class task, or students arguing about a rule in handball. 

What’s important to note in peer conflict, is that children who are experiencing the conflict are equal (usually in the same class or year level) and both are feeling upset by what is happening.  The issue  might be a single incident or it can be ongoing conflict, but is usually situational to the game they are playing, such as hogging a ball or not playing by the rules. However, with support, children can usually resolve the issue. Through managing peer conflicts, children develop communication skills and learn how to understand their own as well as other people’s emotions, essential skills for being able to problem solve and get along with others. 

Repeated Teasing or Bullying

Bullying is repeated, intentional and unwanted behaviour directed by someone towards another person to cause harm. The repeated behaviour can be verbal, physical or social, and can occur either in person or online. At the heart of bullying, there is a power imbalance (whether size, age, or popularity/social status) and involves someone purposely causing harm to hurt or humiliate another person or group. There is also a difference in the children’s feelings, where the child using the bullying behaviour does not feel remorseful for the behaviour while the child/group being targeted feels constantly sad or humiliated.

Recognising these differences is crucial, as responses to each should vary. While peer conflicts offer opportunities for children to develop social skills and resilience, bullying necessitates prompt and decisive action to ensure the wellbeing of the child/ren involved.

How to support your child through peer conflict:

• Identify how they are feeling, and help them identify ways to stay calm. A child who is able to stay calm and manage how they are feeling is more likely to be able to articulate these feelings respectfully to their peers. 
• Encourage them to express themselves using “I” statements, such as, “I feel it’s not fair when you pick up from the card pack and put down straight away; that’s not how I play the game”. Or “I feel it’s unfair when someone gets you out in handball and you don’t leave the square”. You can role-play this model of communication (“I feel…when”) to help your child feel confident in managing conflict with their peers when it arises. 
• Encourage your child to problem solve. Ask them how they think they can solve this and let them come up with solutions before providing options as well. 

How to support your child if you notice them experiencing bullying through their: 

• changes in behaviour 
• choice to sit alone at lunch times
• drop in academic performance
• hesitance to speak about what is going on for them. 

If you have identified that your child is experiencing bullying, it is important to get them support by speaking to their classroom teacher. Discussing this with the classroom teacher will ensure strategies are implemented at school and in the playground to support your child and address the child using the bullying behaviour. 

Strategies that you can share with your child to manage bullying include:

• Speaking to a classroom teacher or trusted adult
• Speaking firmly and confidently, stating, “I don’t like it when you do…”
• Ignoring the child using the bullying behaviour by turning their back and walking away 
• Speaking to their friends to encourage them to help and be an 'upstander', holding the other child accountable for their behaviour in their social group

For more information, please see the resource at Kids Helpline and Raising Children.